Tuesday morning, hello!

HELLOOOOOO!!!~ let's start this post with my greeting to God, world, myself, and still YOU! =) this morning i just woke up and hung up my earphone and then "tengkurep" while myself is still thinking what just happened yesterday? the day before yesterday? what just everybody did to me? all those words still the same...like, "why?" momma just call me in the early morning, it's unsual. text me on bbm after that. i know she's worry about me here. she wants me to be tough more than now. the truth is....i called her yesterday, i'm fragile...can't breath, i'm paralyzed. just wanna hear her voice right away. but it's unexpected thing. i just asked "mom..where are you? what are you doin now? at home?" after that....i cried like crazy. momma speechless what just happened with her little daughter. it's almost 5 minutes i cried and can't stop. no words to say, can't explain anything, just wanna cry and let my tears stop by its self. after i cried, i started to explain what's goin on. momma upset. i know it's wrong. i can't hide anything to her. my life is her life too, and so she is. momma told me to be calm, stop crying, hold my tears, give a little space for my emotion flooding. she wants me to back home soon.... the other truth that i should face in this morning... "it's still hard to believe. the man you loved so much just give you a boomerang and those big shit. when you should face the fact that you never goin in his life. there's another girls he want to share his happiness with. it's not you, bt ANOTHER GIRLS out there. how does it feels? it's my first time i got this fuckin feeling. when you realized that the only man you loved the most just turned on you like the first time you have this relationship. you got yourself proud of him so much, as much as you never tought.but he blew away your love, he blew away your trust like a vomit. i'm in pain. the problem why i got hurted more than i thought is....when i knew that he was promising me to be true but he still making a fool out of me like i'm nothing. it's not make sense anymore..my brain can't deal with this, even my heart more can't deal with this shit! WHY ARE YOU PROMISED WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN;T KEEP YOUR PROMISES???? WHY YOU LET ME DOWN? IT'S NOT COINCIDENCE ANYMORE...your eyes, you heart, your mind are WIDE OPEN when you do this to me. stop pretend being OK! stop pretend being the Mr. Right. face the mirror. ask yourself. at least i beg you to remember all of those good things i've ever done to you..just think about those things as your consideraton to stop hurt and lie to me anymore. it's like i'm here paralyze and willing to die for you, but your love is just full of shit and lies. how could you do that? ho wcould you stay with the girl you never love??? i'm not a pocket of doraemon..man, i love you, and you know that. but now, your show is over. you can't even cherish me here, even you son't try to chereish me. so, i have no reason to stay. go ahead, go get your best girl to live with all your lies."